How I kept my sanity with Cthulhu Mythos and Allan Poe during the quarantine

I went through a personal problem that made it impossible for me to buy books as regularly as I would like — especially horror books. I played Call and Trail of Cthulhu using PDFs that I had purchased and kept on my PC — some of which I printed at home. My collection was always modest and practical — I had printed what I would use on the game table, no more, no less.

In February 2020, for the first time in many years, I was able to purchase my first original Call of Cthulhu books, directly from Chaosium. A week after the purchase, Brazil started preparing for quarantine and everything became more and more serious. Just before everything happened, I had bought a bound volume of the Cthulhu Mythos from a great friend (thanks for the opportunity Amelia), who had also sold me the book The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe.

RPG books began to arrive and the quarantine intensified. Markets and public places were closed. There was a feeling of fear and condemnation everywhere. Even today, death promises are being whispered and people who need to leave home do so with fear. Many found different ways to fight social isolation and escape the growing dread of an apocalyptic upheaval, of impotence in the face of a situation they never faced: video conferencing, online games, fun apps, TV shows, movies, hours and more hours stand-ups comedy.

Suffering is something unique and subjective. Each person feels differently and because it is a situation we have never dealt with before, we must be able to try new ways of taking care of ourselves; relearning what is good for us in a situation we were never prepared to face. Allow us new feelings, beliefs, readings, and experiences. Perhaps what we never had a chance to experience can calm us down. Of course, serious cases such as chronic anxiety, depression, panic, and others, must be taken care of with the assistance of a professional.

For me, the escape was reading Lovecraft and Allan Poe. I have been reading RPG books in the same way. The depressive and decadent atmosphere of the works brings me a morbid tranquility. Perhaps because it is a fiction, the feelings of bitterness and waning are not linked to anything real, as when I watch the news about the world crisis, and this diverts my dismay, transforming my sadness into a reflection on the fragility of life. Maybe they will help me to accept the human condition and the inevitable destiny that awaits us, making me think about my values ​​and priorities and how I have dedicated myself to what is important to me, while I am alive. Maybe they just serve me as a hobby that distances me for a moment from the reality we're going through — just like others do with shows, movies and online meetings — and that's comforting. Or maybe it's all of that at the same time and more, but I still can't imagine or express what it is.

Today, more than ever, I have read all the horror books I would like. That's what makes me feel good — that teaches me values ​​about life and about me. Happy endings do not satisfy me, and this can happen because I do not want to have the false hope that one day everything will work out in a miraculous way — a paradise of peace and immortality where there will be only justice and equality. I want to be well and believing that I will go through all this in a way that I am also ready to face what comes next and that I still don't know what it is. And that I will have good times with friends and family, and difficult times too, as it always has been. And this is how my readings have comforted and prepared my mind. Let's face it all together.